"I Love you, Mom"

I came across this amazing song that speaks about exactly what I am going through. I am not a country fan but hearing the words in this song helped me to get past that. Here are the lyrics to the song......

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Wow...so many of it resonates in me. I cry when I hear the song. I decided to make a CD of Inspirational songs that remind me of what I am going through. I enjoy listening to the playlist in the car. It helps me to reflect and think and even though I cry through most of the CD, it helps to put things into perspective for me.

Last week, I had a chance to talk to Hsien's sister. She went through something similar as myself and it's easy to talk to her. She dosen't open up to many people but I am glad she feels she can be honest and open with me. Probably because I am with her. I am not afraid to express my feelings and get advice and help from someone who has experienced it. Talking with her I found out that she had high FSH as well! I had no idea! She said the doctors didn't find anything else wrong with her except high FSH and also not having a period regularly. It gives me hope that maybe...just maybe....one IUI will do the trick like it did for her. I can only hope and pray that it's that simple. I am going to surprise her and send her a CD of the songs that I put together.

Last night was a wonderful meditation session with Paul and Kate! I had one friend who was there with me and that was nice. She really got a chance to open up and cry which made me cry as well. Paul had us do this exercise where you take a card from a pile that he had in his hand. You don't see the card when picking it. The card I picked last night was so close to my heart that I couldn't believe it. When I turned the card over, the whole group had their mouth wide open. It was unbelievable. The card had on it a person (who later I revealed felt like myself) holding a giant egg in their hands. I was holding it in a gently protective way. The look on my face was very motherly and peaceful and proud. There was also colorful blue and purple crystals in the head area. To me it looked like light was coming from the top of my head and reflecting through the crystals as a beautiful aura around me. It was such an amazing card...I wish I had taken it home with me ;) It was absolutely too perfect for what I am going through right now.

The break I chose has been pretty good for me. I feel more at peace now with my infertility. I am now focusing on everything else around me and it has been one less thing to stress about. I am glad I am not focusing on it as much and enjoying the present life I have now. I am looking forward to November but for now I will enjoy everything I have right now. I still get moments of sadness and uncertainty but they pass more quickly then they did before.