IUI this summer?

Well it looks like possibly we will be going down the RE route again this summer. Not getting my hopes up because it all depends on an inheritance from my Grandmother. I probably should not even be putting all of my eggs into one basket because I really have no idea how much we will be getting but hoping to know soon and be able to move forward with treatments. I took it upon myself to get my Day 3 FSH blood test done. I was actually sort of pleasantly surprised! In Sept 2010, it was 15 something...today it was 16.7. Not great that it went up but I was really expecting in the 20s or higher. Of course my OB e-mails me back about my results and says "Due to your high FSH level, please contact the REI department". No shit? Really? LOL! So if we do get an inheritance, I will be using that money towards an IUI or hopefully more then one if it's needed. I know that is what Grandma would want for us and if all works out I would like to incorporate her name Kay into my child's name....Grandma are you up there listening??!! I don't want to get too excited because we might not even be getting anything as far as an inheritance. In that case, we would not be able to move on until I at least have a job and we can pay for it. My husband is okay with this. He told me last night that he was perfectly content with just Brandon but to me I feel like I need to give Brandon a sibling...I don't know. It's just my crazy mind playing games with me again. I also bought some ovulation sticks and we will be tracking my ovulation steadily until we start fertility treatments. Gah! I hate all of this....why can't I be like ALL of my friends who get knocked up so quickly. Hardly seems fair and I hate that I feel so bitter and angry about it and I hate that I take it out on them indirectly. They complain about pregnancy symptoms and diabetes test....they really have NO IDEA what a complaint is...I'll give you a complaint! Grrr! See here I go again with my jealous rage...I hate this!!! I hate when people don't understand and make stupid comments. Excited to be doing the March of Dimes March for Babies walk in honor of my son and his sisters in Heaven. I have raised over $2000 and really proud of myself for pursuing such a great cause and fundraising like I have. Hopefully I can do it next year as well! http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=4107762&ct=4&w=5242062&u=MoniKat314 I'll keep you updated on our journey this summer....really really hoping that this will all work out for us!!

Another IUI this summer?

Well it looks like possibly we will be going down the RE route again this summer. Not getting my hopes up because it all depends on an inheritance from my Grandmother. I probably should not even be putting all of my eggs into one basket because I really have no idea how much we will be getting but hoping to know soon and be able to move forward with treatments. I took it upon myself to get my Day 3 FSH blood test done. I was actually sort of pleasantly surprised! In Sept 2010, it was 15 something...today it was 16.7. Not great that it went up but I was really expecting in the 20s or higher. Of course my OB e-mails me back about my results and says "Due to your high FSH level, please contact the REI department". No shit? Really? LOL! Really sucks to be 37 and know that your body is in pre-menopause. So if we do get an inheritance, I will be using that money towards an IUI or hopefully more then one if it's needed. I know that is what Grandma would want for us and if all works out I would like to incorporate her name Kay into my child's name....Grandma are you up there listening??!! I don't want to get too excited because we might not even be getting anything as far as an inheritance. In that case, we would not be able to move on until I at least have a job and we can pay for it. My husband is okay with this. He told me last night that he was perfectly content with just Brandon but to me I feel like I need to give Brandon a sibling...I don't know. It's just my crazy mind playing games with me again. I also bought some ovulation sticks and we will be tracking my ovulation steadily until we start fertility treatments. Gah! I hate all of this....why can't I be like ALL of my friends who get knocked up so quickly. Hardly seems fair and I hate that I feel so bitter and angry about it and I hate that I take it out on them indirectly. They complain about pregnancy symptoms and diabetes test....they really have NO IDEA what a complaint is...I'll give you a complaint! Grrr! See here I go again with my jealous rage...I hate this!!! I hate when people don't understand and make stupid comments. Excited to be doing the March of Dimes March for Babies walk in honor of my son and his sisters in Heaven. I have raised over $2000 and really proud of myself for pursuing such a great cause and fundraising like I have. Hopefully I can do it next year as well! http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=4107762&ct=4&w=5242062&u=MoniKat314 I'll keep you updated on our journey this summer....really really hoping that this will all work out for us!!

6 months ago...

Well my little miracle Brandon is 6 months old now! Unbelievable! I cannot believe that it's been 6 months since that little man decided that it was showtime! My little 3 lb baby born at 35 weeks old, is now big and thriving at 15 lbs 7 oz and 24.5 inches long! He is just perfect! It feels like just yesterday but then it also feels like he has been with us forever...well in our hearts he has been with us forever I guess. I can't believe that I am really a Mom! Something we fought tooth and nail for, paid so much money for, went through more heartache then anyone should be allowed to go through and I have this perfect little man laying next to me. Life is good...I am still not working and enjoy time I have with Brandon. I am planning to start my job search in July after our two week trip to the East Coast. As much as I would love to be with him forever, I know it's time for me to get back into the working world! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since Brandon was 5 weeks old. I guess technically really when he was 3.5 months old when I got my period again. Been tracking my cycles and next month once my period arrives, my doctor has schedule me a blood test on Day 3 to test my FSH level. I am not expecting anything great but this test will basically tell me if we should continue to keep tryiing on our own or if we should stop wasting our time and go straight into fertillity treatments again. *sigh* It's heartbreaking every month when my period comes...another month gone by with no pregnancy while everyone around me tries for a few months and BAM they are pregnant. I am so happy for these friends but I won't lie...I am beyond jealous! I have my cry for a bit and move on. I am also so grateful that they are never a part of that crappy club called Infertility. I guess I was the chosen "lucky" one to go through not only infertility but baby loss too. I harbor a lot of resentment over this still and I think I always will. Maybe, just maybe if we get pregnant on our own and I have an easier pregnancy, I might be able to get through these feelings but right now, I get so angry over it. Maybe I am just stubborn and feel like infertility has won when really I have my beautiful son...so I have won! Ugh! I dunno....if you are infertile like me, you'll get what I am saying. Enjoying our beautiful weather right now, doing Strollerfit classes and doing lots to lose weight! I am already back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have about 10 more pounds to lose that I gained through all those fertility shots I took. I am looking forward to looking great this summer (and who knows...maybe I will get pregnant! A girl can dream right?)