"Babies"

I finally got a chance to watch the movie "Babies" on Netflix tonight. I knew it would effect me emotionally in many ways, so when my husband went into work tonight for a few hours, I was able to lay on our bed, shut the door and watch it on my laptop. Never have I laughed and cried so hard through a movie. It really is a wonderful, sweet and gorgeous movie! I cried a lot....out of happiness but also frustration. At one point in the movie I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe and just asked God over and over "Why not me? Why not me?!" It was hard at times to watch because I would love nothing more then to be one of those mothers but then again, my life isn't their life. I also laughed a lot because they are so cute and funny and I kept thinking that "Wow! I will have a child or two that does the same thing. How amazing to see that in real life from a child that came from me". Pretty sureal....I can only hope and wish that time comes soon.

So this week is a big week for me. I have never been more anxious to start my period then now! How funny. Usually I am hoping and praying it never comes. I want it to be here so I can call my doctor and start this process! I have gotten a lot of feedback about the IUI procedure with my condition. It's just so different for everyone. Some people have gotten pregnant on the first try, some on the third. Some had to go to IVF. I know the time will come....I just don't know when and at what cost emotionally and financially. I just pray that when I do get pregnant, that it sticks. I would rather wait a long while to get pregnant then to repeatedly keep getting pregnant only to miscarry. My heart cannot handle that!! Nooooo!

But overall I am feeling hopeful and excited. I told Hsien tonight how excited I was and he told me to tell him again what was going to be happening. He is interested in knowing and learning although he might not fully understand everything happening. At least he is supportive and that is a wonderful thing.

Talked to my Sister in Law tonight and she is feeling good but really tired. I am really excited about her pregnancy. i can't wait to meet my new neice or nephew come June!! Hopefully I will be pregnant by then!