Goodbye 2010!

Dear 2010...

You were certainly the year of challenges and tests. I thought 2009 was a rough year with Mom having colon cancer but she beat it quick and is now healthier then ever. I was never more grateful for that blessing.

2010 started our difficult. One of my very good friends Eddie took his own life by gun in his home. So devastating and to this day I will never understand why he did it. He was full of life and love and a good person. He called me "Little Sis" and that meant a lot to me. I finally made peace with his decision to end his life and get on with my life because that is what he wanted I know.

After trying to get pregnant since the summer of 2009, March rolled around and I was concerned that it was taking so long. I heard some people say it would take up to 9 months to concieve but at that time I knew something wasn't quite right.

After a weird period in March (which the doctor still believes might have been a miscarriage...I am just not sure honestly what happened!) I decided to find a new Ob/Gyn and start our infertility route. My husband was on board with having a baby and it felt like the right time. Being 35 totally put this whole thing into perspective that I need to start....soon! So over the summer we did all of the tests, analysis', exams, classes, blood tests...whatever the doctor wanted us to do we did. My husband's semen analysis came back great so that was a relief but also made me sad. I knew at that point it was ME causing the trouble we were having. It was hard for me to understand but I decided that I needed to know what was wrong. Tubes were clear, period came regularly, I never had any "womanly" issues until now. My blood tests came back twice in a row that I have High FSH. The doctor diagnosed it as having eggs of a 43 year old woman going into menopause. Was NOT the diagnosis I expected! I did all kinds of research on it....tried accupuncture for 3 months, did herbal supplements, hydro colon cleanses....anything hollistic I could get my hands on I tried. Sadly Eastern Medicine was not working the way I wanted it to. I finally decided I needed to be more aggressive in my journey to become a Mom. We started down the IUI path after a much needed 3 week trip to Europe in October. Was hoping that would clear our heads and help us get pregnant. It didn't but shortly after my return we started the IUI journey.

IUI #1 failed on December 6th. I was hearbroken and lost faith but didn't give up. We decided to start over right away with another IUI...more shots, more pills, more heartache, more money loss out of our bank account.

Right now I am exactly half way through my 2ww and will know Jan 7th. I am not sure what 2011 has in store for us but I hope a kiddo or two is in our future. It would complete me in so many ways. I am tired of this infertility journey already.

Hope 2011 brings all that you desire!!!

xoxox Monica