I have no idea why I am feeling defeated right now. I was doing so good and feeling so positive about things and then last night I started to let my emotions get the best of me. My IUI was last Monday and the closer my 2ww comes to an end...the more anxious and defeated I feel. I see all of the wonderful ladies in my online support group going through IUIs and IVFs and just going through sooo much to achieve that one thing only to be let down by a BFN. Why would I be any different? How are my chances any better then anyone to get a BFP on Dec 6th when my 2ww is over? I feel it's almost hopeless to even think this will be my month. Why I am feeling this way is beyond me but it's taking over my head and my heart. I keep thinking about my wonderful SIL who has had BFPs with both of her IUIs on the first try. What are the chances that it will happen to me??!!
I think a lot though that I am very lucky in many ways right now with my treatments. I am at a clinic I feel knows what they are doing and talking about with well educated and experienced doctors and nurse practioners. Not once have I felt like they have steered me in the wrong direction. Also, they are being super aggressive due to my age of 35 and my High FSH. Also I am darn lucky that I even have a diagnosis for my infertility. It would drive me mad wondering what the heck is wrong with me. Also happy that my husband's sperm is happy and healthy and I believe when we do get pregnant it will be because of his super dooper sperm!
It probably didn't help that i watched "Up" and "Julie and Julia" this weekend....both had a snipit of infertility in their story lines that I had to hold back tears on. I hurt so bad when I see those women feeling like I do.
Today my husband and I went to Target to look around and we thought about looking for gifts for our 2 year old niece. My husband started wandering into the baby stuff with the furniture and I just told him that I can't go down there right now. He looked at me and said "Somebody's crabby today". *rolling eyes* Pullleeezzzeee don't even go there! And just seeing all of these frazzled Moms with their beautiful kids in tow driving them insane with running around...it just made me super jealous of them.
I feel like I have only just begun in this infertility journey and I already feel defeated. I haven't gone through half of the craziness that most of my online support friends have been through and I already feel discouraged. Heck I could be pregnant right now and be thinking all of these negative thoughts. It's such vicious cycle to keep thinking about.
I am going to keep my mind occupied next week though. I have a few dates set up with girlfriends who know what I am going through so it will be nice to watch movies with them and have dinners and catch up. Hopefully keep my mind off the 2ww. I need to snap out of this funk!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Being Thankful....
I have a lot to be thankful for right now....I really do. I need to remember that and not focus so much on what I don't have which at times for me is hard. I have amazing supportive friends that I can talk to about my infertility stuff....I have a job that I like and that is stable with an awesome boss....great family.....wonderful fur babies and a husband that worships the ground I walk on. Although 2010 goes down in history for me as probably one of my less favorite years, it was also the year I learned a lot about myself and on a topic that I never ever really felt I would have to deal with. I truly am grateful for the opportunity to have the IUI done on Monday and maybe, just maybe my future child is growing in my belly. I can only hope and pray that he/she wants to stick around with me.
I'm doing well aside from a flat tire, seeing a good friend who is pregnant and also going to a friend's family dinner/20-year olds baby shower...I didn't shed a tear although I was sad. I survived and am learning that things may not always go my way but there is a reason why I am here in my situation. I need to learn from this and grow and hopefully conquer the negative thoughts.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone...I truly am grateful to you and for even reading my blog. I know exactly who is reading and who isn't and it makes me happy for the ones that do care enough to read and comment to me from time to time. I love you! xoxo
I'm doing well aside from a flat tire, seeing a good friend who is pregnant and also going to a friend's family dinner/20-year olds baby shower...I didn't shed a tear although I was sad. I survived and am learning that things may not always go my way but there is a reason why I am here in my situation. I need to learn from this and grow and hopefully conquer the negative thoughts.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone...I truly am grateful to you and for even reading my blog. I know exactly who is reading and who isn't and it makes me happy for the ones that do care enough to read and comment to me from time to time. I love you! xoxo
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
What started out as a bad day...ended pretty well!
This is what I wrote last night about my IUI which happened Monday morning. We also recorded a small video after the procedure =)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhPE_S5LbkA
Wow...what a rollercoaster of a morning! If I was trying to think that there was a conspirancy against me...it was certainly this morning!!
Last night I was all ready for my IUI. I had my change of clothes already and had all my work stuff packed and ready to go. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep. I had a really hard time sleeping especially after someone from my work called me at 11:30pm calling in sick for 8am. I was pissed! It was hard to fall back to sleep after my cell phone was blaring in my ear. So I had that on my mind....but then woke up about 6am to get a head start on getting ready and getting the sperm sample to the clinic by 8am.
I was all ready to go on my end but just waiting on my husband to finish getting ready and do his sperm sample. Poor guy....he was having "stage fright" and was only was able to produce a very very small sample of semen. I was devastated and started crying. He felt bad and said he would try again but nothing happened. I kept thinking all this work and money and all we have is this lousy sperm sample. I didn't want to make him feel bad but I had a hard time hiding my feelings. We left for the clinic and got there shortly before 8am. He said he wanted to try one more time in the bathroom. He was gone for 5 minutes but no such luck. I was sad but knew it wasn't his fault. We dropped the sample off, headed to work and worked until 11am.
While at work I had a hard time focusing and especially since the sperm sample was so small I was sure that the IUI would get cancelled. On top of that, I left my damn cell phone at home so I was a huge mess LOL! Of all days and I forget my phone!
I call my husband from work and tell him I am leaving in 5 minutes and to meet me out front in 10 minutes at his work. I pick him up and we head to the clinic in nervous silence not sure what to expect or hear from the NP. The wait in the waiting room was escrustiating. I just wanted to cry.
We got called back and put into a room where I dressed down from the waist. I brought my lucky socks and wore those and also threw on a long sleeve shirt since it was chilly in the room. My NP Debbie came in and reassured us that the sperm sample that we gave them was more then sufficient! OMG I almost wanted to cry! I gave Hsien a big kiss and apologized for freaking out on him earlier. He understood but he felt relieved too. After the "Cleaning", I was being injected with 22.1 million sperm which was way more then they needed. The NP also told me that they only inject about a teaspoon anyways so we had enough sample to begin with. The motility was 3.5 out of 4 which is very very good. He has very strong swimmers and LOTS of them. I couldn't contain my excitement and had tears in my eyes.
We started the insemination which was very quick. She injected Hsien's washed sperm into my uterus. I had a bit of cramping but nothing too bad. It was done so fast and then she had me left my pelvis up and brought the table up so that my hips were elevated another 15 minutes. She went over a couple of things with us like to call in 2 weeks for a pregnancy test and to start the pogesterone suppositories on Wed. I have to do one twice a day. She then left us alone and Hsien and I siged relief that it was over. We hugged forever while I laid there. Figured it was the closest thing to having sex if we were going to get pregnant LOL!
So what started out as a really really bad day...actually turned around to be a very good one. We had lunch after the appt and he drove me home to rest for the rest of the day. I found my phone and had a few text messages from loving friends asking how I was doing. I got a small nap in too and will spend the rest of the day organizing our trip pictures and designing our Christmas cards. Also happy that my boss gave me tomorrow off so I can go to bed tonight knowing that I can relax again tomorrow. Looks like a movie marathon might happen which would be so perfect right now for me!
All is good in my world!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhPE_S5LbkA
Wow...what a rollercoaster of a morning! If I was trying to think that there was a conspirancy against me...it was certainly this morning!!
Last night I was all ready for my IUI. I had my change of clothes already and had all my work stuff packed and ready to go. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep. I had a really hard time sleeping especially after someone from my work called me at 11:30pm calling in sick for 8am. I was pissed! It was hard to fall back to sleep after my cell phone was blaring in my ear. So I had that on my mind....but then woke up about 6am to get a head start on getting ready and getting the sperm sample to the clinic by 8am.
I was all ready to go on my end but just waiting on my husband to finish getting ready and do his sperm sample. Poor guy....he was having "stage fright" and was only was able to produce a very very small sample of semen. I was devastated and started crying. He felt bad and said he would try again but nothing happened. I kept thinking all this work and money and all we have is this lousy sperm sample. I didn't want to make him feel bad but I had a hard time hiding my feelings. We left for the clinic and got there shortly before 8am. He said he wanted to try one more time in the bathroom. He was gone for 5 minutes but no such luck. I was sad but knew it wasn't his fault. We dropped the sample off, headed to work and worked until 11am.
While at work I had a hard time focusing and especially since the sperm sample was so small I was sure that the IUI would get cancelled. On top of that, I left my damn cell phone at home so I was a huge mess LOL! Of all days and I forget my phone!
I call my husband from work and tell him I am leaving in 5 minutes and to meet me out front in 10 minutes at his work. I pick him up and we head to the clinic in nervous silence not sure what to expect or hear from the NP. The wait in the waiting room was escrustiating. I just wanted to cry.
We got called back and put into a room where I dressed down from the waist. I brought my lucky socks and wore those and also threw on a long sleeve shirt since it was chilly in the room. My NP Debbie came in and reassured us that the sperm sample that we gave them was more then sufficient! OMG I almost wanted to cry! I gave Hsien a big kiss and apologized for freaking out on him earlier. He understood but he felt relieved too. After the "Cleaning", I was being injected with 22.1 million sperm which was way more then they needed. The NP also told me that they only inject about a teaspoon anyways so we had enough sample to begin with. The motility was 3.5 out of 4 which is very very good. He has very strong swimmers and LOTS of them. I couldn't contain my excitement and had tears in my eyes.
We started the insemination which was very quick. She injected Hsien's washed sperm into my uterus. I had a bit of cramping but nothing too bad. It was done so fast and then she had me left my pelvis up and brought the table up so that my hips were elevated another 15 minutes. She went over a couple of things with us like to call in 2 weeks for a pregnancy test and to start the pogesterone suppositories on Wed. I have to do one twice a day. She then left us alone and Hsien and I siged relief that it was over. We hugged forever while I laid there. Figured it was the closest thing to having sex if we were going to get pregnant LOL!
So what started out as a really really bad day...actually turned around to be a very good one. We had lunch after the appt and he drove me home to rest for the rest of the day. I found my phone and had a few text messages from loving friends asking how I was doing. I got a small nap in too and will spend the rest of the day organizing our trip pictures and designing our Christmas cards. Also happy that my boss gave me tomorrow off so I can go to bed tonight knowing that I can relax again tomorrow. Looks like a movie marathon might happen which would be so perfect right now for me!
All is good in my world!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
IUI is Monday morning!
I am really really excited about the IUI happening this Monday. Not sure why I feel so positive and excited! I am sort of worried that I might be setting myself up for failure but I just have no negative doubts in my mind right now. It's really weird! Like I know it MIGHT not work this time but maybe just knowing that we will do it again next month right away makes me feel better? I don't know! I hope we don't and we can just have this done already. Going through the shots and being bloated again does not sound fun. Actually the shots are not that bad....it's the huge bloated belly and nagging pain in my ovaries that is the worst part of it all at this point. Who knows...still another 2 weeks to go with the IUI and the progesterone suppositories.
Saw the NP this morning for my ultrasound and it went well. Sadly the one follicle I had in my right ovary decided to take a permanent hike but luckily there are 3 on my left side. One is measuring 17.5mm which is right around where they want it to be. The other two are very small so the chances are quite slim with those two ever meeting sperm. So I am hopeful. I was hoping to have more then one follicle but after reading a lot on line, the average woman who gets pregnant only releases one egg anyways...so it could happen! I am really hopeful! It's a good size and with Hsien's super dooper sperm, we may very well get the child that we dream about. She saw nothing else to worry about. My uterus looks good and my lining is excellent measuring exactly where it should be. I was told I did not have to do anymore shots with Menopur and to do the Trigger shot tonight at 11pm. This will trigger my ovulation and release the eggs. I was also told to have sex tonight. This will increase our chances of getting pregnant....so that is our little homework assignment ;) Of course Hsien had no problems with that Ha! Ha!
I am still pretty bloated and my left ovary is really crampy. I can see now why since I have this huge follicle sitting there ready to make a baby.
I was happy today because I went bridesmaid dress shopping and I was worried I would look really bloated but it all worked out and with the style dress that I decided on, you couldn't even tell. I ordered the dress and asked the saleslady about what I should do if I do get pregnant since I am ordering the dress in the size I am now. She told me to call her right away when I found out and that she would order me extra fabric. So awesome..I REALLY hope I need to call her to get that extra fabric. This would be soooo great! By the time of the wedding I would be about 6 1/2 months pregnant.
I am really happy and very excited about all of this. Looking forward to taking the two days off work too to relax and catch up on a few things. It will be very good for me! The two week wait will drive me crazy but I am hoping all the craziness will be worth it!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Buddha Belly
Whoa...my belly is huge! I am not even joking. These infertility drugs are really making my belly look like I am 3-4 months pregnant =O It's kind of cruel. I have a generally flat stomach that is untoned with a little pooch right below the belly button. Well tonight I looked at myself in the mirror and I am ROUND from my breast line to my pubic area. I do not even know what to think. I can barely fit into pants...I am not even pregnant! Geeshhhhh! So cruel...cruel cruel cruel! I am suppose to go Bridesmaid dress shopping on Sat. How will I hide this belly? Maybe I should just get an empire waist dress then Ha! Ha!
So went back to the doctor's again for another ultrasound and blood work. My estradiol level was good...370. Much higher then it was on Monday. The NP checked my follicles and it looks like only one is maturing. Bummer! I told her I wanted all of them to mature LOL! She said the chances of twins on this cycle is really slim which I am fine with....I am not expecting twins out of this...I just want one baby. The drugs are working though. My follicles are growing and look good. She wants me to come back on Saturday for another ultrasound and then decide then if Mon or Tues will be my insemination. My ovaries and abdomen area are crampy and my belly is huge! I feel a bit uncomfortable but I figure all of these symptoms are a good thing. I am getting more emotional as the cycle goes on but I think the antipation of the IUI is a bit overwhelming for me. She also told me to continue the Menopur shots tonight and tomorrow night. I told her I only had 2 more vials left, enough for one night. She was so nice and gave me two vials!! She saved me like $100!!! I was soooo grateful!!!
So after my appt I felt hopeful but also sad. Only one follicle might mature. That means the chances are much lower then if more matured. But I have to remember, it only takes ONE egg to get pregnant. I told Hsien to talk to his sperm and make sure they are ready to go ;) He promised not to have his laptop on his lap this weekend and to keep his junk cool this weekend LOL! Funny guy! So we'll see..Monday or Tues! Already told my boss and she knows I probably will take 2 days off. Kind of sucks since it will already be a short week and I won't have much time to catch up on work but I don't care. Work can wait! While I am resting I am going to upload all of our Europe pictures on Facebook FINALLY, make our holiday cards and everything else that I have been slacking on that involves the laptop. Kind of looking forward to giving myself some downtime. I need this downtime...between selling our condo, moving back to my house in a few months, my brother getting a divorce, the holidays and everyone else's life stuff, I need a break and focus on ME!
That is the latest and greatest as of now!
So went back to the doctor's again for another ultrasound and blood work. My estradiol level was good...370. Much higher then it was on Monday. The NP checked my follicles and it looks like only one is maturing. Bummer! I told her I wanted all of them to mature LOL! She said the chances of twins on this cycle is really slim which I am fine with....I am not expecting twins out of this...I just want one baby. The drugs are working though. My follicles are growing and look good. She wants me to come back on Saturday for another ultrasound and then decide then if Mon or Tues will be my insemination. My ovaries and abdomen area are crampy and my belly is huge! I feel a bit uncomfortable but I figure all of these symptoms are a good thing. I am getting more emotional as the cycle goes on but I think the antipation of the IUI is a bit overwhelming for me. She also told me to continue the Menopur shots tonight and tomorrow night. I told her I only had 2 more vials left, enough for one night. She was so nice and gave me two vials!! She saved me like $100!!! I was soooo grateful!!!
So after my appt I felt hopeful but also sad. Only one follicle might mature. That means the chances are much lower then if more matured. But I have to remember, it only takes ONE egg to get pregnant. I told Hsien to talk to his sperm and make sure they are ready to go ;) He promised not to have his laptop on his lap this weekend and to keep his junk cool this weekend LOL! Funny guy! So we'll see..Monday or Tues! Already told my boss and she knows I probably will take 2 days off. Kind of sucks since it will already be a short week and I won't have much time to catch up on work but I don't care. Work can wait! While I am resting I am going to upload all of our Europe pictures on Facebook FINALLY, make our holiday cards and everything else that I have been slacking on that involves the laptop. Kind of looking forward to giving myself some downtime. I need this downtime...between selling our condo, moving back to my house in a few months, my brother getting a divorce, the holidays and everyone else's life stuff, I need a break and focus on ME!
That is the latest and greatest as of now!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Just rambling here....
I am so anxious for my second ultrasound tomorrow that I can't focus on anything else. I just hope that those 5 little eggies are still there and nice and fat and ready for sperm! (Okay maybe not ALL 5 of them but I will take a few!)
I worked from home today but mostly took a day to clear my head. I have so much to do and so much on my mind between our infertility issues, selling our condo and moving, my brother getting a divorce and everything else going on in everyone elses lives that I have to deal with.
I made some really hot chili for dinner. It was something I had wanted to do for a while so I did that this morning and got to smell the good smells while I cleaned the entire condo from top to bottom! It feels nice sitting on our couch and looking around at this super clean place! Our condo just went on the market so I am doing whatever I can to help it sell. Also had to set up the cats litter box and food/water dishes in the guest room so that they are in one central location when prospective buyers come. I made a few signs that said that we have 2 cats and please do not let them outside. I worry about my little furballs! I will be SO happy when we are out of this tiny box called a condo and can move back to my house that my brother and I own. He decided to move out after his wife left him, so his misfortune worked out for us. I can't wait to move there...it's twice the size of our place now with a big backyard and front yard. I keep invisioning what our place will look like and that when we finally do have children, this will be their first home. Ahhhhh which funny enough was the same home my brother and I were born in. I can't wait to bring my baby/ies home one day.
So aside from the clean house and feeling positive, I am looking forward to the appt tomorrow and finding out what day the IUI will be. She is thinking Sat or Mon. I REALLY hope it's on Monday because I have plans Saturday and Sunday. My boss has been really great and giving me Mon and Tues off if I need it. I will just let it be...if it happens Sat then I cancel my plans. I am going bridesmaid dress shopping on Saturday. I am looking forward to it but have been so bloated lately that I am scared to go try on dresses. Also feeling crampy and just overwhelmed but will be there for my friend if the IUI is not scheduled that day.
Just me rambling here....
I worked from home today but mostly took a day to clear my head. I have so much to do and so much on my mind between our infertility issues, selling our condo and moving, my brother getting a divorce and everything else going on in everyone elses lives that I have to deal with.
I made some really hot chili for dinner. It was something I had wanted to do for a while so I did that this morning and got to smell the good smells while I cleaned the entire condo from top to bottom! It feels nice sitting on our couch and looking around at this super clean place! Our condo just went on the market so I am doing whatever I can to help it sell. Also had to set up the cats litter box and food/water dishes in the guest room so that they are in one central location when prospective buyers come. I made a few signs that said that we have 2 cats and please do not let them outside. I worry about my little furballs! I will be SO happy when we are out of this tiny box called a condo and can move back to my house that my brother and I own. He decided to move out after his wife left him, so his misfortune worked out for us. I can't wait to move there...it's twice the size of our place now with a big backyard and front yard. I keep invisioning what our place will look like and that when we finally do have children, this will be their first home. Ahhhhh which funny enough was the same home my brother and I were born in. I can't wait to bring my baby/ies home one day.
So aside from the clean house and feeling positive, I am looking forward to the appt tomorrow and finding out what day the IUI will be. She is thinking Sat or Mon. I REALLY hope it's on Monday because I have plans Saturday and Sunday. My boss has been really great and giving me Mon and Tues off if I need it. I will just let it be...if it happens Sat then I cancel my plans. I am going bridesmaid dress shopping on Saturday. I am looking forward to it but have been so bloated lately that I am scared to go try on dresses. Also feeling crampy and just overwhelmed but will be there for my friend if the IUI is not scheduled that day.
Just me rambling here....
Monday, November 15, 2010
Headed in the right direction
Went to see my RE today (actually she is a nurse practitioner and I love her! She is awesome!) She had me do a blood test early this morning so that we had the results in time for my appt at 2:30pm.
Picked up Hsien and headed to her office. I am glad he came and I think he was glad too. He was so intrigued by the female anatomy poster in the exam room that it was funny! Debbie (the NP) came in and introduced herself to Hsien and Hsien asked lots of great questions...I was really proud of him for stepping up like this and being interested. I know he is interested but really wanting to learn about what we are doing.
Debbie did the ultrasound on me and it came back with 1 egg on the right side and 4 on the left side. They measured about 7-8 mm. She is wanting them to grow to about 17-18mm. Also said that my estradiol level is good...134 so the injections ARE working. Hooray! She had us sit down and talk some more. She wants me to do 4 more nights of injections of 150 ui of the Menopur, do another blood test on Thurs morning before 8am and then come back for another ultrasound on Thursday at 2:50pm. She'll know at that point realistically when we can do the IUI. She is thinking Saturday or Monday probably. Eeek...I am so excited! So I feel relieved about this appt. I hardly slept last night because I was just so worried that my body might not be responding to the meds...but they are and at a good pace...not too much and not too little. Debbie also just sent me an e-mail saying that she is going to run some more blood work on my on Thursday along with my estradiol tests. So that is where we are with that. I had to go the pharmacy to buy more Menopur...that cost $165 for another 3 nights since I already have 2 vials left over. Plus my ultrasound cost $127. This stuff adds up! Ahhhh! Please please please....let this work!
Debbie kind of freaked me out a bit though. I asked her if she thinks we should proceed again right away with another cycle of shots and IUI if this month doesn't work. She said yes and recommended probably 3 rounds total. If that doesn't work the move on to IVF. She also recommended that if the IUI even works we should consider freezing some of my eggs due to my high FSH levels. It might be hard to get pregnant again. Ahhhh! So much to think about! One thing at a time though...I am going to get through this IUI first with positive vibes and hopefully a positive pregnancy test. Then at that point, Hsien and I will evaluate what we think should happen. Wouldn't it be great if I could get pregnant with twins and call it a day? Perfect...wish life worked out like we wanted to!
Overall feeling really great! My boss was excited to hear that the appt went well. She has been through all of this so she knows how I feel. It's nice getting random text messages from friends through out the day too cheering me on! I just have so much love and support from people...it's awesome!
On another note...since I stopped running and doing anything strenuous as far as working out, I was feeling blooby and bloated and fat. Blah! it was why I went back to dance classes one night a week. I HAVE to do something with my body and dance is good for my body and soul to see all of my friends. I am just not doing any situps or too much ab work. When everyone does the situps, I proceed with other stretches and say I hurt my tailbone =P When I told my friend who is also my hip hop teacher that my doctor did not want me doing any situps, her eyes got all wide and asked "Whyyy???" hehe I told her why and she understood. Another weird situation was last week I had seen a guy friend for the first time in like maybe 8 months in dance class. He is a good guy but I wanted to smack him! He is very supportive of me and Hsien having cute Asian babies (he is Asian himself) so I know his intentions are good but when he saw me, he looked at my belly and said "I would have expected some babies by now from you!" I looked at him and said "Well some of us don't have a choice in that matter" but I said it really snooty and rude. I feel bad but I was just upset. I know he doesn't know what we are going through but come on people...THINK before you say something stupid! Ugh!
So anyways....I was all stressed about putting on weight and getting out of shape. I went dress shopping with some girlfriends of mine since we are getting ready for our dance companies holiday "Prom" hehe Tried on a few dresses and luckily my dress size hasn't changed. Hooray! In fact, I brought home a new dress in a size....*drum roll please*....4!!! Okay...so I still got it I guess ;) I feel all bloated and yucky but thankfully my body has not changed. That made me feel a million times better! Can't wait to rock out that dress come Dec 18th...hopefully by then I will know I am pregnant too!!
So overall today was good!! I can relax a little bit and look forward to the appt on Thursday.
Picked up Hsien and headed to her office. I am glad he came and I think he was glad too. He was so intrigued by the female anatomy poster in the exam room that it was funny! Debbie (the NP) came in and introduced herself to Hsien and Hsien asked lots of great questions...I was really proud of him for stepping up like this and being interested. I know he is interested but really wanting to learn about what we are doing.
Debbie did the ultrasound on me and it came back with 1 egg on the right side and 4 on the left side. They measured about 7-8 mm. She is wanting them to grow to about 17-18mm. Also said that my estradiol level is good...134 so the injections ARE working. Hooray! She had us sit down and talk some more. She wants me to do 4 more nights of injections of 150 ui of the Menopur, do another blood test on Thurs morning before 8am and then come back for another ultrasound on Thursday at 2:50pm. She'll know at that point realistically when we can do the IUI. She is thinking Saturday or Monday probably. Eeek...I am so excited! So I feel relieved about this appt. I hardly slept last night because I was just so worried that my body might not be responding to the meds...but they are and at a good pace...not too much and not too little. Debbie also just sent me an e-mail saying that she is going to run some more blood work on my on Thursday along with my estradiol tests. So that is where we are with that. I had to go the pharmacy to buy more Menopur...that cost $165 for another 3 nights since I already have 2 vials left over. Plus my ultrasound cost $127. This stuff adds up! Ahhhh! Please please please....let this work!
Debbie kind of freaked me out a bit though. I asked her if she thinks we should proceed again right away with another cycle of shots and IUI if this month doesn't work. She said yes and recommended probably 3 rounds total. If that doesn't work the move on to IVF. She also recommended that if the IUI even works we should consider freezing some of my eggs due to my high FSH levels. It might be hard to get pregnant again. Ahhhh! So much to think about! One thing at a time though...I am going to get through this IUI first with positive vibes and hopefully a positive pregnancy test. Then at that point, Hsien and I will evaluate what we think should happen. Wouldn't it be great if I could get pregnant with twins and call it a day? Perfect...wish life worked out like we wanted to!
Overall feeling really great! My boss was excited to hear that the appt went well. She has been through all of this so she knows how I feel. It's nice getting random text messages from friends through out the day too cheering me on! I just have so much love and support from people...it's awesome!
On another note...since I stopped running and doing anything strenuous as far as working out, I was feeling blooby and bloated and fat. Blah! it was why I went back to dance classes one night a week. I HAVE to do something with my body and dance is good for my body and soul to see all of my friends. I am just not doing any situps or too much ab work. When everyone does the situps, I proceed with other stretches and say I hurt my tailbone =P When I told my friend who is also my hip hop teacher that my doctor did not want me doing any situps, her eyes got all wide and asked "Whyyy???" hehe I told her why and she understood. Another weird situation was last week I had seen a guy friend for the first time in like maybe 8 months in dance class. He is a good guy but I wanted to smack him! He is very supportive of me and Hsien having cute Asian babies (he is Asian himself) so I know his intentions are good but when he saw me, he looked at my belly and said "I would have expected some babies by now from you!" I looked at him and said "Well some of us don't have a choice in that matter" but I said it really snooty and rude. I feel bad but I was just upset. I know he doesn't know what we are going through but come on people...THINK before you say something stupid! Ugh!
So anyways....I was all stressed about putting on weight and getting out of shape. I went dress shopping with some girlfriends of mine since we are getting ready for our dance companies holiday "Prom" hehe Tried on a few dresses and luckily my dress size hasn't changed. Hooray! In fact, I brought home a new dress in a size....*drum roll please*....4!!! Okay...so I still got it I guess ;) I feel all bloated and yucky but thankfully my body has not changed. That made me feel a million times better! Can't wait to rock out that dress come Dec 18th...hopefully by then I will know I am pregnant too!!
So overall today was good!! I can relax a little bit and look forward to the appt on Thursday.
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