6 months ago...

Well my little miracle Brandon is 6 months old now! Unbelievable! I cannot believe that it's been 6 months since that little man decided that it was showtime! My little 3 lb baby born at 35 weeks old, is now big and thriving at 15 lbs 7 oz and 24.5 inches long! He is just perfect! It feels like just yesterday but then it also feels like he has been with us forever...well in our hearts he has been with us forever I guess. I can't believe that I am really a Mom! Something we fought tooth and nail for, paid so much money for, went through more heartache then anyone should be allowed to go through and I have this perfect little man laying next to me. Life is good...I am still not working and enjoy time I have with Brandon. I am planning to start my job search in July after our two week trip to the East Coast. As much as I would love to be with him forever, I know it's time for me to get back into the working world! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since Brandon was 5 weeks old. I guess technically really when he was 3.5 months old when I got my period again. Been tracking my cycles and next month once my period arrives, my doctor has schedule me a blood test on Day 3 to test my FSH level. I am not expecting anything great but this test will basically tell me if we should continue to keep tryiing on our own or if we should stop wasting our time and go straight into fertillity treatments again. *sigh* It's heartbreaking every month when my period comes...another month gone by with no pregnancy while everyone around me tries for a few months and BAM they are pregnant. I am so happy for these friends but I won't lie...I am beyond jealous! I have my cry for a bit and move on. I am also so grateful that they are never a part of that crappy club called Infertility. I guess I was the chosen "lucky" one to go through not only infertility but baby loss too. I harbor a lot of resentment over this still and I think I always will. Maybe, just maybe if we get pregnant on our own and I have an easier pregnancy, I might be able to get through these feelings but right now, I get so angry over it. Maybe I am just stubborn and feel like infertility has won when really I have my beautiful son...so I have won! Ugh! I dunno....if you are infertile like me, you'll get what I am saying. Enjoying our beautiful weather right now, doing Strollerfit classes and doing lots to lose weight! I am already back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have about 10 more pounds to lose that I gained through all those fertility shots I took. I am looking forward to looking great this summer (and who knows...maybe I will get pregnant! A girl can dream right?)