http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BgXRjzQgTA
This is the video of my IUI #3!
Wow...what an adventure leading up to IUI #3. I am glad it's here and done and now I can rest and relax. So glad that it worked out that the IUI fell on a Monday and not past Saturday.
Our weekend in Tahoe together with friends and to my Aunt's funeral was a nice one. The snow was heavy and windy but we managed. I really enjoyed seeing the faces of our friends that we see maybe once a year. My Aunt's funeral yesterday was beautiful....brought tears to my eyes how many people came to it! She was well loved in the community and highly involved in theater. At one point, the priest had asked us to stand up and give Aunt Sue a standing ovation because that was what she requested at her funeral. OMG...tears were in full force at that point. My Aunt really outdid herself on the music selection and prayers for her own funeral. We sang "What a wonderful world" and how fitting were the words to that song for her. I never have fully paid attention to those words but I love it...it's now one of my favorite songs. I also got to meet my Uncle's two daughters from his previous marriage yesterday! My Aunt Sue and Uncle John have been married for 40 years but I never had the chance to meet his daughters! They are so wonderful and I am so sad that I never met them until now. They are sort of like my cousins ya know! They live in Virginia and I vowed to keep in touch with them. They are both in their 50s and just amazing women...a physical therapist and nurse practitioner with hearts of gold. I believe that the reason I never met them until now is a deep one that I will never understand....but I am glad I have now. I feel like I have gained more family after I have lost one. I was able to take a few items that belonged to my Aunt Sue. One was a cute blue thermal shirt with snowflakes on it and it a blue zip up hoodie...SUPER CUTE! I wore both to the IUI for good luck. It felt like she was right there with me.
My husband and brother were great...we left Tahoe today at midnight and got home Monday morning at 4am. My brother let us stay at his house that morning since it's so close to the clinic. I finally told my brother everything about our troubles of getting pregnant and he was so sweet. He hugged me before my IUI and said "Make me an Uncle!" heheh The sperm collection was dropped off at 8am and our IUI was at 11am. It went really great....43.6 million swimmers and one golden egg! Hoping this is it!!
My Nurse Practioner talked about maybe trying one more IUI after this if needed before IVF. She knows we are scheduled for IVF in May. The NP thought about just having me do Femara next cycle to see how I did since I only produced one follicle on Menopur and Femara. That would cut my costs wayyyy down....from about $1500 for the injectables to only $20 for the Femara. It might be worth giving a shot but hopefully we won't need another shot at this.
Feeling crampy and tired...and that is good! Laying here relaxing and reading. I had the day off Tuesday from work too...basically for my sanity more then anything since my weekend was so go go go!
Thanks for reading my super long update! ;) I'll find out the results on March 7th. Hope they are positive!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
I am so tired of this IUI Roller Coaster....
and I want to get off NOW!!! It's a good thing I am writing and not doing a video journal because I am full of F Bombs right now
So I went in for my Day 7 Ultrasound. My lining is thin and I have one follicle measuring 10.5. Whoopeee. I am so pissed off! And you know....I was drinking raspberry tea leaf for the previous months and my lining was always really great. The one month I decide to not drink it..and my lining is thin...of course! Ugh!! I wish I had been drinking it last week....grrrrrr!!
So I have one follicle at this point. They are continuing my meds and I have another ultrasound on Thursday AM. The doctor thinks my IUI might be on Saturday morning.
This is probably the WORST weekend for me to being doing IUI and I am so frustrated. Isn't it always how this is????!!
So my husband and his best friend plan a yearly snow trip to Lake Tahoe every year during President's holiday. His best friend and wife fly out here from Washington DC. They take the 4 days off and snowboard Fri, Sat and Sun. Our plan was to leave Thursday night and head up there and snowboard Friday and Saturday with all of our friends. Sunday unfortuntaly is my Aunt's funeral which also happened to fall on this weekend. We have to head out and drive about 2 hours to my Aunt's funeral Sunday morning. Luckily her and my Uncle lived close to Lake Tahoe so it's not a big deal for us to take the day away from our friends and spend it with family. Then after the funeral that night we were going to head back to the cabin we rented in Tahoe. We were all planning to head back on Monday afternoon but no snowboarding...just packing up and leaving.
So Lake Tahoe is about a 4-5 hour drive for us (sometimes longer if the traffic is bad) and the weather forecast says that the snow will be pretty good because of all of the rain we are getting and to bring chains or you will be turned around.
So guess what?! I have to tear my husband away from his friends Friday night so he can drive back down home for 4 hours and do the IUI Saturday morning at 10am. By the time we get back up to Tahoe it's 5pm and the snowboarding is over. So my husband will probably get ONE day of snowboarding with his friends. This really sucks! I have decided to not even go up until after the IUI on Saturday. I am in too much of a bad mood to want to ski on Friday. I'll just go to work and not take the day off like I planned.
I really really really really hate this! I cannot wait to be done with IUI. I have no good feelings about this cycle and wish I just went with my gut and went straight to IVF.
Thank you Infertility for yet again ruining a perfect weekend for us!!! I hate you so much!
So I went in for my Day 7 Ultrasound. My lining is thin and I have one follicle measuring 10.5. Whoopeee. I am so pissed off! And you know....I was drinking raspberry tea leaf for the previous months and my lining was always really great. The one month I decide to not drink it..and my lining is thin...of course! Ugh!! I wish I had been drinking it last week....grrrrrr!!
So I have one follicle at this point. They are continuing my meds and I have another ultrasound on Thursday AM. The doctor thinks my IUI might be on Saturday morning.
This is probably the WORST weekend for me to being doing IUI and I am so frustrated. Isn't it always how this is????!!
So my husband and his best friend plan a yearly snow trip to Lake Tahoe every year during President's holiday. His best friend and wife fly out here from Washington DC. They take the 4 days off and snowboard Fri, Sat and Sun. Our plan was to leave Thursday night and head up there and snowboard Friday and Saturday with all of our friends. Sunday unfortuntaly is my Aunt's funeral which also happened to fall on this weekend. We have to head out and drive about 2 hours to my Aunt's funeral Sunday morning. Luckily her and my Uncle lived close to Lake Tahoe so it's not a big deal for us to take the day away from our friends and spend it with family. Then after the funeral that night we were going to head back to the cabin we rented in Tahoe. We were all planning to head back on Monday afternoon but no snowboarding...just packing up and leaving.
So Lake Tahoe is about a 4-5 hour drive for us (sometimes longer if the traffic is bad) and the weather forecast says that the snow will be pretty good because of all of the rain we are getting and to bring chains or you will be turned around.
So guess what?! I have to tear my husband away from his friends Friday night so he can drive back down home for 4 hours and do the IUI Saturday morning at 10am. By the time we get back up to Tahoe it's 5pm and the snowboarding is over. So my husband will probably get ONE day of snowboarding with his friends. This really sucks! I have decided to not even go up until after the IUI on Saturday. I am in too much of a bad mood to want to ski on Friday. I'll just go to work and not take the day off like I planned.
I really really really really hate this! I cannot wait to be done with IUI. I have no good feelings about this cycle and wish I just went with my gut and went straight to IVF.
Thank you Infertility for yet again ruining a perfect weekend for us!!! I hate you so much!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
An emotional video blog
I decided to record my thoughts and feelings this time. Sorry it came out sideways at one point. =/ It's a little emotional at one point but it's all how I feel right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0qpc39GclY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0qpc39GclY
Monday, January 31, 2011
IVF in May
I can't believe it....it's really going to happen! Looks like May is when the Egg Retrieval and transfer happen! Ahhhhhhhh!
Well to start off...LOVE THE IVF DOCTOR! She is awesome and so happy that we both felt comfortable with her. She didn't rush us, asked us lots of questions, answered all of my questions and was still upbeat and comforting. It also made me feel better when she said "Well I am YOUR doctor now, so e-mail me anytime". Yeah! She spent over an hour and half with us and after everyone in the clinic had gone home, we were still there.
They have no openings in March and she dosen't do IVFs in April so I need to call tomorrow and put us on the waiting list for May and pay the $500 deposit to save our spot. We get that money back if (by some miracle) we get pregnant before then.
She told me that my chances of getting pregnant on another IUI are very slim but we could always go for it if we felt like it. My husband is really heart set on doing another IUI in February, so we are just going to go for it. It's okay with me, at least I will feel like we are doing "something" and keep my mind occupied. Then if that dosen't work, we call in March when I get my period and start the IVF meds.
She answered a ton of my questions....told me with my age and high FSH that I would never quality for a shared risk program or money back program. Kaiser dosen't offer those programs but other clinics do. She told me that you have to get pre-screened for approval first and that I wouldn't qualify. She informed me that it's usually for younger women or ones without high FSH issues to qualify for such programs. Clinics wouldn't even consider me which was good information to know.
She is going to have my husband do another semen analysis and having me tested for TSH, Prolactin, HTLV and AB (no idea that these are--they are on my form) and Cystic Fibrosis to make sure I am not a carrier (Ugh! Another thing to worry about!!??) Also considering going back to accupuncture for a few months while doing this. Also wants me to start taking DHEA.
I won't bore you with details but just a little info...because of my age, she would transfer 2-3 embryos with IVF for me. She said we can talk later if we want to do less on that. Really depends on how good they look. She does the egg retrieval and transfer and will be handling everything. She has a nurse that does all of the calender for me so that I stay right on top of everything. I also have a 40-50% chance of success the first time. Not bad I guess. She does 3-day transfers usually and they do slow freezing at their facility. Also, ICSI is an extra $1500 cost which she highly recommends I do and also assisted hatching which will cost us an extra $650.
So aside from the $20,000 pricetag from start to finish....I am doing okay! LOL!
Things could change during this process. She is planning the egg retrieval the week of May 9th-13th. We talked about me being in a wedding out of town the weekend before....sooooo we might have to push IVF up to June but I am really fine with that. She also said we could start my meds at a certain time of the cycle so that I don't have to worry about being out of town. Sadly I am going to be really bloated and uncomfortable at the wedding LOL because I will have probably 10-20 follicles in my ovaries. Fun fun!
Lots to think about...my head is spinning and thinking about the price of this all makes me sick. Now just trying to figure out how to pay for all of these upcoming expenses plus IVF...it's going to be a trying few months or so. I guess that is what life is all about!
Well to start off...LOVE THE IVF DOCTOR! She is awesome and so happy that we both felt comfortable with her. She didn't rush us, asked us lots of questions, answered all of my questions and was still upbeat and comforting. It also made me feel better when she said "Well I am YOUR doctor now, so e-mail me anytime". Yeah! She spent over an hour and half with us and after everyone in the clinic had gone home, we were still there.
They have no openings in March and she dosen't do IVFs in April so I need to call tomorrow and put us on the waiting list for May and pay the $500 deposit to save our spot. We get that money back if (by some miracle) we get pregnant before then.
She told me that my chances of getting pregnant on another IUI are very slim but we could always go for it if we felt like it. My husband is really heart set on doing another IUI in February, so we are just going to go for it. It's okay with me, at least I will feel like we are doing "something" and keep my mind occupied. Then if that dosen't work, we call in March when I get my period and start the IVF meds.
She answered a ton of my questions....told me with my age and high FSH that I would never quality for a shared risk program or money back program. Kaiser dosen't offer those programs but other clinics do. She told me that you have to get pre-screened for approval first and that I wouldn't qualify. She informed me that it's usually for younger women or ones without high FSH issues to qualify for such programs. Clinics wouldn't even consider me which was good information to know.
She is going to have my husband do another semen analysis and having me tested for TSH, Prolactin, HTLV and AB (no idea that these are--they are on my form) and Cystic Fibrosis to make sure I am not a carrier (Ugh! Another thing to worry about!!??) Also considering going back to accupuncture for a few months while doing this. Also wants me to start taking DHEA.
I won't bore you with details but just a little info...because of my age, she would transfer 2-3 embryos with IVF for me. She said we can talk later if we want to do less on that. Really depends on how good they look. She does the egg retrieval and transfer and will be handling everything. She has a nurse that does all of the calender for me so that I stay right on top of everything. I also have a 40-50% chance of success the first time. Not bad I guess. She does 3-day transfers usually and they do slow freezing at their facility. Also, ICSI is an extra $1500 cost which she highly recommends I do and also assisted hatching which will cost us an extra $650.
So aside from the $20,000 pricetag from start to finish....I am doing okay! LOL!
Things could change during this process. She is planning the egg retrieval the week of May 9th-13th. We talked about me being in a wedding out of town the weekend before....sooooo we might have to push IVF up to June but I am really fine with that. She also said we could start my meds at a certain time of the cycle so that I don't have to worry about being out of town. Sadly I am going to be really bloated and uncomfortable at the wedding LOL because I will have probably 10-20 follicles in my ovaries. Fun fun!
Lots to think about...my head is spinning and thinking about the price of this all makes me sick. Now just trying to figure out how to pay for all of these upcoming expenses plus IVF...it's going to be a trying few months or so. I guess that is what life is all about!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Change of plans
Yesterday Aunt Flo came....I hate that Bitch! I was pretty sad when it happened because that meant that IUI attempt #2 failed. I was feeling so hopeful about it as well. I kept saying that if it worked that my baby would be born in my favorite month: September! Well that reality is long gone now. After the initial sadness, I made a new appt to start IUI cycle #3.
Today brought on many unexpected surprises. When I went in for an exam...the doctor found two cysts on my ovaries. =( Heart crushing. It took everything from me not to lose it in the exam room. I wanted to cry so hard. Another kick to the stomach when I was already down. The doctor said that I needed to take a break this month for the cysts to dissolve before we moved on. F*CK!!! Another month wasted. I asked her how many IUIs I should do before I moved on to IVF. She recommended one more due to my low egg quality. I asked if I could have some more information on IVF and she was able to schedule me an appt the end of this month with their IVF doctor. This is great! I had no idea that Kaiser did IVF. I looked up the doctor and she has good marks so that made me feel better. More then likely I will stick with Kaiser and do IVF with them. I thought a lot about this and I think I want to move straight into IVF after my month off. It will cost at least $3k for the IUI next round which may or may not work (more so not work). I would rather use that $3k towards IVF which will cost about $12-$15k. I have a much higher chance of getting pregnant with IVF and I really feel like this is the next step in my infertility journey. I am not scared, nervous or anything....just anxious to get it started. Of course spending the money scares the hell out of me but what can I do? It's a small price to pay I guess if we do get pregnant. I have the month to really think about this. I am also going to research IVF scholarships and apply for those. Saving any amount of money will help with all of this. Now how to come up with $15k? That is something that Hsien and I will have to be creative about. We have it in our 401k which we might withdraw from and take the penalty. Who knows...I am not sure how we will finance the IVF but we will make it happen.
Yesterday I was pretty sad when my period come but after Hsien sent this text, I knew I was the luckiest girl in the world.
"I am sorry to hear the news. We will get through this together".
He is so awesome! I truly am blessed to be married to Hsien! I guess if anything, I married the right guy the first time and we can get through anything together. I am so happy to be with him! How did I get so lucky? And the funny thing is...he says he is the lucky one! Nahhhh....I am!
So here I am...with two cysts on my left ovary! I was wondering why I wasn't feeling well the past week. I thought I was getting the sickies like everyone else. Nope...just cysts. Blah! I hope they go away soon! All the hormones and drugs in my system probably brought them on. I am really okay with this break now....I almost feel like it was meant to be and that it brought on a whole revelation to move towards IVF.
Maybe this will finally happen after all!
Not sure how much I will update this month since I am on a break but thank you for reading and being a part of my crazy infertile life!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
2011
Dear 2011....
There are many things to look forward with you. Rather then focus on the negative of 2010, it is time to look ahead at a new year and be grateful for the things that will be happening.
1) I have a new niece or nephew coming into my life in June!
2) I will be a Bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding in May in Palm Springs. I love the dress, I love the bride, I love the location...I am going to feel like a Princess.
3) Possible Hawaii or Mexico trip this year. I told my husband I want to go on vacation but a place with a beach, that was warm and to relax a lot!
4) Moving to a bigger home in a city next over probably in March or April. I am thrilled to be moving back into the house that I was born in.
5) Moving forward with our Infertility treatments no matter the struggles or cost. I am grateful to a very supportive husband that will do anything for us to get pregnant. Last night it was so sweet. In bed he said, "I hope we are blessed with a baby this year". He never uses words like "blessed" or anything like that. I teared up...he is so awesome!
So 2011..I know I am a bit cautiously optomistic right now but I think with the new year, new beginnings and new hope, that this will be an amazing year!
xoxox Monica
There are many things to look forward with you. Rather then focus on the negative of 2010, it is time to look ahead at a new year and be grateful for the things that will be happening.
1) I have a new niece or nephew coming into my life in June!
2) I will be a Bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding in May in Palm Springs. I love the dress, I love the bride, I love the location...I am going to feel like a Princess.
3) Possible Hawaii or Mexico trip this year. I told my husband I want to go on vacation but a place with a beach, that was warm and to relax a lot!
4) Moving to a bigger home in a city next over probably in March or April. I am thrilled to be moving back into the house that I was born in.
5) Moving forward with our Infertility treatments no matter the struggles or cost. I am grateful to a very supportive husband that will do anything for us to get pregnant. Last night it was so sweet. In bed he said, "I hope we are blessed with a baby this year". He never uses words like "blessed" or anything like that. I teared up...he is so awesome!
So 2011..I know I am a bit cautiously optomistic right now but I think with the new year, new beginnings and new hope, that this will be an amazing year!
xoxox Monica
Sunday, January 2, 2011
I will be a wonderful Mother
For those of us who have struggled and endured to have children.....
"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children - I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child, I have longed and waited, I have cried and prayed, I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to obtain their dreams, I will notice everything about my child, I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing I can comfort, hold and feed them, and that I am not waiting to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream, My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child, that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads to me, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured, I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment and I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed, I have succeeded, I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort, I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely, I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, or other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes from walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."
"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children - I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child, I have longed and waited, I have cried and prayed, I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to obtain their dreams, I will notice everything about my child, I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing I can comfort, hold and feed them, and that I am not waiting to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream, My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child, that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads to me, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured, I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment and I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed, I have succeeded, I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort, I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely, I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, or other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes from walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."
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