It has been way too long since I wrote in my Blog!
I can't believe I gave birth to my beautiful little guy 3 months ago! I look at him in awe every day just still so surprised that he belongs to us forever and that nothing could ever break our bond. I am so truly in love with him! He is now 11 lbs and catching up with the rest of the world.
Things are going really well as a Mom! It's nice to hear people tell me that I adjusted to Motherhood really well and that it suits me. Took me a while to get to this point of being 36 years old, but I am finally a Mama!
Brandon is a really good baby...and I am not just saying that. He really is! He sleeps through the night, hardly fuses and just great to take out and be around people. Nothing bothers him or phases him. I don't mean to rub it in that he is good because I know a lot of my dear friends struggle with their babies sleeping habits and crying but I think after everything I have been through with losing my daughters, I feel like this was meant to be.
Speaking of, I am still seeing my therapist and working on my issues of losing my daughters. It has been 6 months since I lost Grace and 4 months since I lost Naomi. I still cry every day...mostly in the shower and it helps me to get those raw feelings out and get on with my day. I was finally brave enough to order their box for their ashes and excited to pick it up on Monday. It's a silver jewelry box that plays "It's a Wonderful World" when you open it. On the front it says "Too beautiful for Earth" Grace 7/13/11 Naomi 9/14/11. I will give it to Brandon and that will be his gift from us when he is old enough to understand. It was really hard for me to order it since the young gal placing my order at the store asked me about it...I held back tears but proud that I finally felt strong enough to do this! I still suffer from extreme jealousy but I think when you are infertile that it stays with you forever. I try to be happy for my friends that get pregnant so easily and have a flawless pregnancy but it's hard. Why can't that be me? What did I do wrong in my life that I can't get pregnant on my own and on top of that lose two precious babies along the way. Talk about lots of bad luck! Things never seem to go easy for me....but I am hoping that will change now with Brandon.
I am living the life of a SAHM and so far I LOVE IT! I got laid off from my last employer that I had been with for 10 years. It was truly a blessing in disguise and using the time to bond with Brandon until the next job finds me. Not sure how long I plan to be home with him but for now, I am going to enjoy the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever had!
Not too much else going on! We survived the holidays and it was special to have his first Christmas this year. I remember this time last year how sad and defeated I felt with two failed cycles behind me. Little did I know that my Feb cycle would be giving me the greatest gift of all....triplets...with one living son!
I'm so behind on reading blogs. I wouldn't say that time heals all wounds but for me it has helped ease the pain. I love the idea of giving the girl's box to Brandon. I haven't even thought that far ahead. We still have Zane's ashes in the white box they came in. I bought a necklace to house the ashes but I just haven't been able to get comfortable with moving him from one place to the other. I agree with what you said with the feelings you have as an infertile. I really struggle with girls I know who have an unplanned pregnancy and they are not ready to settle down yet. I just feel like they don't appreciate the gift of a child. That's probably super harsh sounding. I'm sure they don't feel that way but it's how I perceive it.
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