It's been a rough week for me...shed a lot of tears, felt sorry for myself and questioned so many things about what was happening with the pregnancy. It's taken the week to realize that I am truly lucky and blessed and I need to hold on to that. I have TWO babies in my belly that want to come home to us and that is more then I ever imagined I would ever have or what many couples will ever have. That is a lot and it is amazing!
The local Multiples Club that I am a part of had hooked me up with a super awesome Triplet Mom back when we found out we were having three. I was so grateful to her...she has been awesome. She knew we lost Grace and set me up with another woman near me who was pregnant with twins last year and had to deliver them at 24 weeks. Sadly one of her boys only lived 70 days but her other son is now 7 months old and thriving and so beautiful. Her name is Leila and she has been such an inspiration to me. We have talked on the phone a few times and have sent multiple letters of encouragement back and forth on Facebook. I am excited that she also delivered her boys at the same hospital that I am at and she told me over and over yesterday that we are in the best hands with the best doctors. She dealt with all of the perinatologists that I have and also the NICU doctor we met with on Monday. Leila felt that although she lost her son, she never once doubted that she was not in the best of care and that many of the doctors at our hospital also work or affiliated with Stanford. Her telling me this really helped me to cope. I never doubted our care or my doctors and it's nice to know that I can continue with the pregnancy and feel good. Leila and I are meeting at the hospital next week when her son has an appt. I can't wait to hug her. She is so sweet....she tells me over and over "I know we have not met yet but I love you a lot". She has given me more support and love then most people that have been in my life for years. I just feel so lucky to have her support and experience to learn from. She kept things in perspective for me and told me "You still have 2 beautiful babies in your belly! No one has left you yet...cherish that and stop worrying that it will happen because everything will probably work out!"
After our phone conversation yesterday (that lasted about 2 hours this time!) I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of me. She told me to enjoy all of those kicks and thumps in my belly because it's my babies telling me they are okay. I need to get through my stubborn brain that I AM having a boy and a girl and that I need to not be afraid to yell that from the rooftops. I will forever miss Grace but I am having TWINS and that is amazing!
Another amazing thing (or two).....I have two baby showers planned in August!!!! My Aunts are throwing one for me August 14th and a group of my Dance friends are throwing me another one on August 27th!! I feel so blessed and excited! I have to stop worrying that the babies will be born before then...and just go with all of this and be happy and excited. The babies will come when they are good and ready and I am hoping that is at least not until mid Septemeber at the earliest.
Thanks for listening to me ramble! I love you all!
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