Positive changes

Well....if you haven't noticed....I changed the name of my blog from "I am Infertile" to "I am Incomplete". Infertile seems so final and harsh. I need to get away from that negative mindset and focus on the positive in my situation. I am tired of bringing myself down and it's not good for me or my health.

This might be my last blog for a while...we are leaving tomorrow for a much needed long vacation to Europe until Oct 31st. This will give us time to decompress and not think about "life" and well...who knows! Maybe it's what we needed all along. I won't think about it too much but I am thinking positive! It was like the moment I heard about a friend who was newly pregnant or a friend who just had a baby....I had a meltdown. It's not my intention to feel this way but I can't help but think how unfair it is to me...but hey...life isn't fair and having this be easy is not the path intended for my life, I guess. I had a really good talk with an old friend of mine. She has been married for 10 years (I was in her wedding) and she has been trying to concieve for about 7 years. They have had no luck and have had many IVFs. Her advice to me was to not let the stress get to me. Believe that it will happen and it will! I am not sure why her saying that made more of a difference to me then others, but it helped. I think it's because she has "been there" and is someone dealing with infertility that it sort of resonates in me more because she has experienced it as well. I am going to take her advice to heart and do the best I can to remain positive and not get worked up about this. When I return from my trip, I plan to continue my Tues night meditation, get back into dance on Monday nights and do yoga on Thursdays and maybe another time. It will be good for my soul and to keep busy with taking care of myself at the same time. I feel good about this transition.

Another thing I need to realize, is how damn lucky I am in my life. Really...I am! I have worked hard for everything I have but I am truly fortunate in so many ways. I thought hard about what I would really want to change about my life if I could and I only came up with two things:

1) to get pregnant and be a Mommy to 2 beautiful kids
2) have better toenails
3) not be so moody

Seriously...that was all I could come up with. So see...my life isn't that bad! I have so many people around me (including my brother) going through a divorce that I am really fortunate that I have the relationship that I have. Hsien is sooo awesome and everyday I count my blessings to be married to him. We are committed and respectful to each other and if I have it my way, we'll be together forever! Also after volunteering at the 3-Day walk, I met so many men and women who had cancer at one time in their life and I think how sad it was for them and how fortunate I am to be cancer-free!! I just have so much to be thankful for....I really cannot complain! I think of it this way...if I really want to be a Mom and I cannot do it from my own body, I will adopt...simple as that! I will try and try until I can give no more and then go to the adoption agency and pick out the cutest kid in the bunch ;) or maybe two! Who knows! We'll see where life takes us!

So as you (and I) can see...I am not infertile...I am just incomplete! Waiting for that missing puzzle piece in my life find me! xoxo